Ah Spain!

AI generated, please excuse any errors!

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[Music]
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Welcome to a Spain. Buenos das. How's it going? Uh, it's going good. Buen
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and you have an A Spain today. I do. So, it is the end of the school year, I
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think, for most people in the northern hemisphere. And it is it hasn't already
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ended. And next week, uh, both my daughters are going away on their end of the year class trip, which is a thing
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here that we're not used to, but they're both scheduled at the same time. So, I'm going to have a h a house of a couple
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nights without my kids, which is never happened because I mean, I had one kid not home before for sleepovers, but
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never at the same time. So, this ospate could turn into an oade and I'm calling you at 3 in the morning being I'm lonely
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and I'm having a panic attack. What do I What am I doing with my life? I have no one here to love me. I don't know. Who knows? Or no one had me. You never had
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them like last year at the end of the school year. They didn't go together on a on a school trip at the same time.
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They both had school trips, but no, they were separate. So, it was like a it was it they it was a carrot in front of my
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face. This is how life could be, but we're keeping you at home with one. Which was also really good though because I did get to have alone time
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with one child and we went out to dinner and then the next time I had alone time with another child and we went out to we
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had like a daddy daughter night alone without the other one. That's nice. But
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today we are talking about which kind of goes into you know how to get your kids
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adjusted to moving how they get adjusted when you're here. And I think this is a
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little bit like something that would apply to moving anywhere, even across to a different part of a country that
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you're in. But we're obviously focused on Spain specifically, but I I think that a lot of this applies. You and I
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had extremely different um ways of doing this. I don't think our parenting styles
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are that that as as dramatically different as this situation is different. No, it's our situations were
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different. you had a we were coming over at different times and and thus I mean I
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think you should tell a little bit about your story like why why you had to do things the way you did and then you know
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I can talk about then you can tell yours. So, we had a um we the the situation
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that we had didn't didn't allow us to have the preparation that we would have probably liked, but then the more
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preparation, I don't know if we would have done anything any better to be honest, because it is what it is at the
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end of the day. We had um we had been talking about moving for a little bit, but then when we realized that Brexit
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was happening, we realized we had to move like immediately because we if we
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didn't move immediately, we would have been stuck in the same position as every other Americans and and the British, which is now you have to get visas and
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you're not allowed to work unless you can have a job, which we didn't there. So it was for us it was like if we move
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now and we can get our residency before Brexit then we then we have residency to work and that was a huge like thing for
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us that we needed to be able to work and we wanted to have that flexibility. We were also moving closer to family. So my
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family in England and um my husband's family in Morocco. So we were kind of moving back closer to where we were from
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not where none of us are from Spain. So Spain was a new culture and a new experience for us, but we were also
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moving closer. So maybe that was a little less stressful for us in this in that sense because we were moving back to an area that we were even though we
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hadn't visited Valencia, we we were familiar with Spain and Spanish culture and and everything. So I think that was
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a little different. But when we were moving, it was like, oh my god, we have to do it now. Like it wasn't like, oh,
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let's plan this for a year or two and see how it works out. And we also had a business where we had to we had we had
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um restaurants. So we needed to make sure before we told everybody that we were closing the restaurants that we
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needed to make sure all of our employees were taken care of. They all had new jobs and so this was something that was very important to us that we wanted to
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make sure we didn't that that didn't create a problem for anybody. Right. So we had a lot going on and you had to put
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a lot more preparedness for the people who weren't moving versus the people who
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were moving. Absolutely. And I think for us I mean that was important. And then we had a seven-year-old who were like,
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"How we can't?" So, going back to the kid part of this episode, right? It's like, "We couldn't prepare her for
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months and months and months about this because how much do you tell a seven-year-old about something that
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needs to stay quiet until there's a point where it can be let out for everybody to know?" And so, you know,
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she's she's a real trooper. And I think the the benefit is had she been a teenager, that would have been really
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hard. But because she was younger, her family and so us were the were kind of
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her her like world, right? Right. So even though she had friends and we we got really lucky because we were moving
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closer to family, but also so the logistics when we did tell her was like, "Yeah, this is going to be great and it
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does make sense." But also she had her her very best friend and this was pure luck. her very best friend, her dad's in
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the Navy, and they got their papers to move at exactly the same time as us, and they went to Japan. So, it was like
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score score. Like, see, it's not just us. Other people do this as well. And your best friend is moving. So, you're
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not leaving your best friend behind. Her best friend was leaving, too. And it she was already ditching you, honey. She was
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Well, I don't think that was the word we were going for. It's more like, look, she's moving, too. So, it's like even if we stayed, she wouldn't be here, and
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we're moving closer to family. So, we did do a lot of the family aspect of it, which is we were moving closer to the
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family. That was the preparation. We're going to be able to see your cousins more. You're going to get to experience Morocco more because we hadn't been able
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to do that. You were just the family unit. So, and at age seven, there is only so much you can prepare a
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seven-year-old for because their mind can only handle so much. Um, and my girls were a little bit older and it was
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different. We we planned this dur we started the idea of moving during co
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while I was while we're all just sitting on the couch staring at our our belly buttons wondering how life could be
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right like out in the outside world you had a lot of opportunities to plant a lot of little seeds that could grow and
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and get be discussed right it was very different and and we were and for a year and for a year it was just fantasy talk
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too right it was just like look at these houses in Nashville look at these houses in Savannah Georgia look at these house
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is in Italy. We were like doing this kind of massive like all over thing and then the kids went back to school and
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all this and then then I had time without them in the house when they finally went back to school and I was like no I want to move like I want to
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get out of here. So how did you how did you guide them like so there must have been a point because you're still the
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parent and I know you're you're you're definitely you're definitely a a parent that keeps your girls very involved and
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everyone gets a voice and all this kind of thing. So um in in the environment of that situation there must have been a
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point where you realized that you wanted to go to Valencia and that I don't like did that happen and then you had to kind
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of pull the girls into that or did you all decide together that Valencia was where you wanted to go? Like how much of a parent were you in the moving process
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with them? So I mean I was the parent and you know the decision um because then when I then had time with it it was
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like do we go to Italy? Do we go to France? I was like okay I need I need weather similar to California. I then I was like this is these are my
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requirements for a happy life and then it was just Spain checked off all the boxes for our budget right so things in
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you know private I had to worry about private schools because they were older and I was worrying about acclamation and language and you know all of that kind
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of stuff and so for me it was Spain and then it was I just started talking to
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different schools online um you know having were the girls on board with Spain or was one of them like we want to
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go to Nashville like was there any kind of distance in the in the ranks. There wasn't I mean they were all excited
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about all the places we looked at because it meant bigger houses. It meant bigger things than we had in California,
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right? It all meant better things. And oh, speaking of that, you did like us promise a pool and a dog, right? This is
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also part of the process. I did. And they did make a pool and a dog, but
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they're still happy. They're still happy. They're still happy. Yeah. And they don't want a dog anymore. They look at them and they're cute, but then they
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see the responsibility of the dog and now they don't want the dog. So, that's good. Um, I still want a pool, but I
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don't want the responsibility of a pool. So, there's No, you really don't. There's that. Well, there's I'm just
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saying there's like the things that you promise and then there's a reality when you get there that it doesn't always that doesn't always work out. And I
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think I would say we did get the dog in the pool and you didn't get the dog in the pool and all our three girls I think
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are equally happy here. like that's not there are things maybe that you say that maybe don't work out and I think that's
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okay you know yeah and and and and it was once we got our foot on the ground right so it was it became this Spain
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idea I was interviewing schools by myself and we you know we did plan a
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trip before we moved and that was part of the getting them on board but they were already on board and I really just
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kind of just it was it was a little bit of a superolous trip because I already
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knew what school we wanted to get into but I did want to see it though because we had the time and the ability to do
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it. Let's go see just to make sure. Um it it it there was an element of getting
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the girls on board, but they were already on board, but it was it it did help with them knowing where they were
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going versus just getting on a boat across the sea and having no idea what they were getting into. They already
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knew what school they were going to. So, you didn't have any the girls, you
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didn't have any issues with anybody not being on board. So that sounds like it went quite smoothly for you because I'm sure there are people out there that
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maybe have a kid that maybe doesn't want to move. I don't think I got them on board was also um you know I hate to say
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this word but the the family team my family team I got them involved meaning
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like the school teachers and the school counselors and all of our family friends you know everyone was like especially
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that school year before we moved when it was a definite we had taken the trip to Spain in the fall of that school year
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and came back and all the teachers were very excited for the girls so they helped build their excitement up being
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like what a wonderful experience. This is amazing. You're lucky. You're all of those things. So, they were like, "Oh,
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okay." And none of our friends were like, "Don't go." Which I've said this before. I'm wondering how if they were
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really friends at all, if they were pushing the door out, pushing Well, I will say I think it's funny that you have like a I was kind of making fun of
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you having a family team, but I get it. And it's just we didn't have time for that, per se, but we did. And we also
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moved mid year, so we didn't wait till the end of the year. I don't know. Um I
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think it made the I think it made getting into the schools easier because they have you knew they were because if
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they have space you're in you're not competing with everybody for the new year. So I don't know there may be some benefits. I mean it's it's uh this was
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part of the this this sort of rush that we had. It meant that we couldn't wait till the end of the year the school
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year. So we moved in March and I think part of that made it very easy to get into the school. So, I'm not sure that
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I'm necessarily recommending that, but it I there may be an aspect there that people want to look into. So, then let
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me ask you a question. I think this would be very val, you know, very um useful for our our audience is if you
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did it in the middle of the school year, when when did you contact the school about if they had a space? So, I mean, I
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think a lot of people think about moving in the in the summertime, but if people are like, I want I want to move now. This is the opportunity or my job's
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ending. We're just wasting money if we stay here six more months until the school year is over. When did you contact the schools? Literally literally
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like two months before we moved. Okay. And I think it was a different time as
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well. Um we've uh so um I think I I
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don't know. I think we I think we got lucky because I've spoken to other people that moved. Um she didn't take
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any tests to get into the school. I mean I don't know. we just it was a very different scenario than so I think it
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was maybe this little perfect storm situation and I think um in that regard
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I don't know if it can be duplicated um but for us that's what had to happen and you know we were also lucky in a way I
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guess that we were living in the DC area and there's a lot of movement in the schools there had already had various
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friends leave like I said her friend was already scheduled to leave um so we also came from a place where where people
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moved and she knew that because she'd had friends move and us moving therefore wasn't this totally bizarro thing that
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was happening and that was maybe gave us a little bit of a prep that we didn't even do on purpose because of where we
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were living right so the idea of us moving was you know and like I said I think because we were moving closer to
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the family it made a lot of sense but um so when you talk about your what do you the family team is that what you called
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it the family team the family team I just love that and I love that you have that as a single parent too because I
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think you know you need that as a lot and I think everybody needs that. We just maybe don't call I've just never
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called it that but you know she had her teachers and her friends and and exactly the same as you. had a lot of people,
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all of our friends, nobody was were like, "Why are you doing it?" Not one person. They were like, "Oh my god."
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Like most of them were just like, "When can we do it?" You know, like it wasn't we were nobody was, "Oh my god, why are
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you doing it? What's going on?" Even our best best friends were like, "This is this sucks, but we get it, right?" kind
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of situation. So, everyone was being very positive. We didn't plan it, but what you said you kind of planned, I
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think, is what happened for us naturally. And and to be honest, I needed my family team to say cuz I needed the boost, too. Cuz I think I was
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more scared than my kids because I'm the grown-up moving across the world with my children with no clue of what I'm kind
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of doing once we put our feet on the ground, right? It's just like, okay, let's just do this. I've always wanted to live in Europe. I'm going to make my
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dreams come true. I'm gonna, you know, back then I'm like, I'm going to be 50. I only have so many more times to run
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the sun. Like, you know, I've got my kids. Like, I got to show them how to live life. And I think it's very
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impressive because you're, you know, I think a lot of people are doing this as a couple and I think you have that other
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person to to kind of fall back on and you didn't have that. So I think that's
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um that's very impressive to do that with your kids, you know, at that age um
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with them and having and having them on board and moving. So I think it sounds like they were they were acclimatized
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quite well um in order to go and that was all the things. Was there anything else you did ahead or should we skip
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into how we sort of get them going once we got here? I mean, I think you know
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the other thing is that we did is we we know you only brought suitcases and had
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a different moving experience, but you did a similar thing is you made sure you brought some of home whether it's
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stuffed animals or books or something. I brought our artwork, but we brought a few stuffed animals. I was more
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ruthless, I think, than you were with toys and stuffed animals because my girls were also older. So there was like
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we're not bringing all we're not bringing My Little Ponies that I probably would keep until you're 45 if
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we stayed in one place. We have all the My Little Ponies. Yeah. I literally like don't tell Jard. Hope he's not listening
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to this one. We literally like I packed up Zena's room like you know because of course because of the time frame I was like I wanted her room to kind of start
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to resemble her room there when we moved. And I was like I basically I mean I went through her stuff a little bit
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but it was like we packed up all of her stuff and then we saw how much room we had left for other things because you
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know I wasn't going to we had actually she had two giant tigers that we had got
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um that Jad had got from her. Um we he had ordered this giant tiger at one point and it never showed up. So he got
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another one got sent to him and then like two months later the first one like randomly showed up. So, she had these
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two giant tigers that I was just like, I'm really sorry, but this is really the only thing that we cannot bring. These
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giant tigers and then we Her room looked like like Zig Freedom Royy's house is
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what you're telling me. Oh, totally. Yeah. No, it was awesome. And then she had this giant unicorn, right, which was something that another giant. So, those
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were the three things I'm like, you're going to have to find a friend to give those to. That was the only things that she really had to give up. And then when
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we moved here, about a year after we moved here, we were in, I think, Teddy,
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one of those stores, they had the giant unicorn. Oh, really? Yeah. So, she still
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has a giant unicorn. It's just not the same one, but it's the exact same one. Like, visually, it's not the exact same
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one of hers, but it I was like, "Oh my god, there's no way we can't buy this unicorn cuz it's the exact one we made you leave at home." But yeah, so she got
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to bring I mean, we had like we had 12 bags. What? 11 of them were stuffed toys probably.
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But it was it was nice. Yeah. They got to bring like one stuffed uh animal with us on like the trip and then the rest
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were were in and it was very few that were brought brought over. I mean we were pretty ruthless. But I mean that
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was also you know they were older than than you know Zena was when we did it. I mean Paloma was 10 I think when we moved
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and Amaro was 12. No 13 something like that. 13. So
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she so Amara was Zena's age now. Yeah. And so she was like, I can get rid of this baby stuff. And but I was like, do
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you love it? Do you Let's get So we went through all this a lot of the stuff. And ironically, we brought some of like the
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little baby children's books. I'm like, I can't get rid of those. I'm like, they haven't been cracked. I'm like, those probably could have saved, but no, happy
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we have them. Maybe one day that'll bring a happy memory. They'll remember dad reading them the story. Um, but
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yeah, I think that was pretty much all that we kind of did, you know, and then it was, you know, and they were what I
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said was really fun for them. I'll just bring this up too, is we were having these yard sales in front of our building and the girls were really
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involved with that because they're they both love cash. And so they were they were like, "Dad, we need some more
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money." And I was like, "Go out there. I'm not I'll stay inside because you've got the bases to move this stuff." Totally.
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And then they made signs. We're moving to Spain. We need money. They made all these like so desperate sad signs. It
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was awesome. And then we're so sad. We don't want to move to Spain. Um, how was
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it with their friends? Like did you do any special like we had quite a few sort
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of gettogethers like the week before we were leaving where we got to go around and say like a proper evening, a proper
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goodbye to everybody individually. And then we did a group thing as well. We had one of our friends throw us like a
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going away party. So we had that at the at her house. And then um they had like
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sleepovers with their friends, you know, because it was a process. It wasn't just like the last time. And then we were, you know, we left in the middle of the,
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you know, in the middle of the summer. And so um yeah, I mean we had plays, but
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I wouldn't say like real events like like one friend had a had a going away party for us at the house. And um and
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you know they were texting and on their way here they were texting and then the friendships you know I dissolve is not
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the word. You you have these friends I mean I hope these friends of theirs are still for life but they're you know they're more focused on their
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friendships here. They're more and the other ones are focused on their friendships there and there's a time zone change but I think they do. My
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older one definitely my younger one doesn't have a phone yet. So her friendships unfortunately are are her
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her back home friendships are over. I hate to say it because that's they're just not she doesn't have a way to
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communicate with them and now it's No, but I I do think I do think dissolve is a good way to to do it because I mean when we came over we went straight into
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lockdown and it was co it was March and so Zena was communicating a lot with her
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friends back then and um so if we kind of skip a little bit into like the first
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few months here and getting them acclimatized like obviously ours was a very unusual situation but I think in
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some ways it helped because We she well initially we had been invited to a
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birthday party from the WhatsApp group from the school that we were going to go to on the first weekend that we got here
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which was so awesome and I would highly recommend people um trying to connect with parents in the school or parents or
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somehow getting into a parent group wherever they're going to get your kids
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to meet new friends wherever you're going immediately because that to me is
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the if your kids are happy and they've met some friends they're going to be fine, but if they're sitting around and
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they're not socializing, they're not doing anything. So, when we landed, obviously the birthday party was
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something that was we all got excited about going to, but then of course it got cancelled cuz we were on lockdown by that point, right? And then but what did
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happen was that we she was doing she was playing Minecraft and and chatting with
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friends because that was everyone was at home. So, her friends in America were at
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home not going to school. She was So, we just kind of adjusted our time because we could. and she maintained those
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friendships um really tightly for several months actually. And then we
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also had a lot of people within the school group who obviously felt
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incredibly sorry for us. We were just like the really poor people, right, that
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came over and we had like um no friends here, no family here, straight into
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lockdown, stuck in an Airbnb. So a lot of the parents um from her school reached out and were trying very hard to
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um to help her make friends with with people in her class. And so we were like also incredibly lucky because of that
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environment was a very it was a it was an environment where everybody really was trying to help each other and it put
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us in a place where we have made we made some friends in that in that time period and she made some friends from that time
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period that are priceless that we maybe maybe we wouldn't have made right right because of that. But I do think what I
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learned from that is get out and meet friends. Like get out and have your kids meet friends. Like you're an adult. You
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can take care of it. You can figure out how to meet friends. And maybe they'll be the parents of your kids' friends. But if your kids can meet friends and
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outside of school and especially if you're coming in the summer because like you like you, most people are coming in the summer and then they're not they're
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here for months before school starts. Right. Right. That would that would be the ideal plan because you're you need
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to get situated before school starts. Right. So in that time period, organize some stuff for your kids. There's
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plenty, plenty, plenty of ways to do it. [Music]
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Now, did your school, because you moved here in the in the middle of the school year, did they facilitate this WhatsApp
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group connection for you? They're like, "Here's the WhatsApp group for your year." Like, how did you get the WhatsApp? The WhatsApp group. WhatsApp.
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Yes. I think um our we've had a lot of issues with our school trying to get the new parents into the into the WhatsApp
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group when they first come into the school and it has not been very fluid um and that's just been this ongoing thing
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but because I think we landed in the middle of the year it was like yeah and also we needed to be connected because
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now we were doing online learning so also there were there were like group zoom calls with the class and things
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that we went straight into as well so there was that sounded pretty beneficial for the move I I mean, horrible to be
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stuck in your apartment for 6 months, but now you get face to face and you see the other parents walking by where I don't know any of my I mean, I know some
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of my girls friends parents, but um like but not a lot, you know, like definitely
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when they're older because in Paloma when we first moved here, she was still in the lower school. So, there was a
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WhatsApp group for the year group because it's just one class. And once you go into the upper school, there are no more year groups. There's no more
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WhatsApp groups. There's I'm involved in like a new mom's group which is all the ages but like for like my daughter's
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years there's no way to be connected and as kids get older even in the states you're you're further removed from their
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fold right their their lives. I can see how that would happen. I think what's interesting about our WhatsApp group is
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that it's been the group hasn't changed. We just keep changing the name every
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year. Okay. Right. Which makes sense. Right. So, I haven't the WhatsApp group hasn't moved, but at some point during
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the summer or at the end of the year, some parent like I did it last year. It doesn't matter who does it, we all have admin rights to it. Like somebody goes
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in and changes the name and changes the picture and we become the next grade. So, it's so it's always so I have a
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feeling that this as long as there's parents that want to do it, this group will go through because they're still
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like, "Hey, what exactly you're talking about?" Hi, has anyone got an email about when this concert's happening?
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Like all these sorts of things, right? what's going on. There's still there is still a parent g delegate for the class,
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but I think people are less interested in what that parent does now. When we when Zena was younger in the younger grades, that was a very active, oh my
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god, we need this, we need this, we need this, you know what I mean? There was a lot of stuff that was that the parents wanted. And I think you also want less
25:12
for your child in school. Once you've been in a school for a while, they get older, they're more doing stuff for themselves, and you're not as involved
25:18
as a parent in making sure things are getting done. And that's definitely something the school also has has happened. So, right. But that this
25:24
WhatsApp group, I'm assuming will go all the way up to to the end if parents are still interested, but it's it's got it's
25:32
got quieter and quieter and quieter as the as the grades have got higher for sure. Right. Right. So, yeah, it was the
25:38
school that facilitated that that group and it was probably the parent delegates. So, to that point, when you move when your kids are younger, it's
25:45
easier to get involved in stuff and and and facilitate things. I think when your kids are older, there just isn't that.
25:52
There just isn't that. And and their school every year has a new parents night. Like you when it first when the
25:58
school year starts and now we're not invited to it anymore because we're not new parents, but it did help for us that
26:04
first year to at least recognize some faces. And and we've talked about this before. There's these WhatsApp groups of like teen groups citywide, right? These
26:11
expat groups. So I've seen parents from my daughter's school at these events and
26:17
and they know other parents. So that helps and that helps me acclimate because just as long as we're acclimating our children, we have to
26:23
acclimate ourselves to um life here at you a little bit. Yeah. And I need to as
26:29
a single parent like I have to otherwise I'm just at home making dinner and go grocery shopping which I was doing back
26:34
in LA. So Right. Well, and speaking of single parenting, I mean because of what because of the scenario when we landed,
26:40
there was a point where my husband had to leave the country because he was running out um of how long he could stay
26:45
here. So he left and he couldn't get back. And I and I there was another person in our class whose husband was
26:52
also out of the country and and couldn't get back in. So we were single parents for like three or four months together.
26:59
Like we were like, well, if we're both going to be single parents, let's just let's just do it together. And at the at
27:05
the time there were restrictions that you could only like you can only hang out with one other family. Like that
27:10
they went through all these phases here in Spain. So that was then. So we're like, let's just we'll be each other's little family. will be our little bubble
27:16
and and so we also obviously you you get very you create a very strong friendship
27:22
with people when you go through that sort of things together as well. Um but I do think like you said with the
27:28
WhatsApp groups like if your kids are older there are WhatsApp groups for that too. So just get in on it, you know, and
27:34
and don't leave it for Yeah. Don't leave it for your kids to do. I mean I think they just I mean no matter how social your kids are, they need an environment
27:40
to be social to find those people. And there's these these these hangout things that my kids don't necessarily enjoy
27:47
going to, but I'm like, you're going whether or not because it's other faces you don't see. You never know who's a
27:52
new connection. And it's just helpens helps you in life to be able to say
27:57
hello to strangers in in a safe setting where you're supposed to say hello to strangers, right? Yeah. Because nobody I
28:04
mean, I don't know that there's anybody that I've ever met that enjoys being the only like being in a group of people
28:10
they don't know. I mean, nobody likes that. Some people handle it better than others, but nobody really enjoys that. And even if it looks like other people
28:16
are enjoying it, they're just doing it for that reason, to get in, right? To get in, right? Um, and so I think to
28:22
that point, I think as far as being here, I think one thing we did touch on this a little bit on our last episode,
28:27
so I don't want to go into it too much, but I think when it comes to um getting your kids climatized to Spain or any
28:35
other country, if you're going in language, how much of the language do you want your kids to know? I think
28:40
that's a really important thing to consider whether you just want them to get a little bit of Spanish and just be
28:46
able to like order things at the restaurant and go and do things or do you want them actually to be fluent,
28:51
right? And there's a big big big difference and that's the difference between acclim uh you know acclimating
28:58
versus assimilating, right? So now we're at this and I think we're both at that point like I want my kids to be
29:04
assimilating into more of the culture than just acclimating and and and how how would we do that and and and I you
29:11
know we did talk about this last episode so we're not going to repeat it but yeah so we you know we both of us made
29:18
the decision to go into an English- speaking school for our girls and I think at the time under the
29:23
circumstances that made a lot of sense for us um we spoke no Spanish any of us
29:29
and I think that that was not and then because of co I think that did help um
29:34
that we didn't have to deal with trying to speak Spanish to the teachers that were then speaking in Spanish through
29:40
Zoom to Zeno I think it would have been I think we might have left I don't know if we would have actually decided I
29:47
think that would have been so hard for all of us under this and under the I couldn't even imagine trying to do that right so
29:53
it was hard enough for me to get a TV when we first arrived that so I I think,
29:59
you know, but I mean ultimately definitely what we wanted for Zena was that she actually is fluent in Spanish
30:06
when she reaches 18. That was something that we thought we would get through the through the school. Um, and that is not
30:15
the case and you can definitely go back and and and listen to the previous episode about that. Um, but it we I
30:23
think both agree that that isn't happening for anyone really in the English-speaking schools, right? not the
30:28
way that not a way us um English speakers want it to happen for sure. Right. So it's I mean the Spaniards are
30:35
becoming fluent English speakers, but it's not the other way around children and and all of that, but it's not
30:42
happening for us. And that's conversations that me and my girls are having. How how are we going to increase
30:47
their language? And that's something that I think we're we are going to discuss this summer and not necessarily
30:53
switching schools, but how are we going to up our game? Are we I think I brought up last week. I'm just starting to text message them in Spanish. So, they have
30:59
to figure things out like how are we gonna learn more and then and take it from there. So, yeah. And I do think
31:04
that there's there's things that you can do to improve your Spanish. And I think anybody that you speak to that's here
31:11
that's that's who's native English speakaking will tell you that it's a lot harder than people tell you to actually
31:18
learn Spanish when you're not speaking it at home and you you don't have someone in your life that's speaking Spanish to you permanently. So we do
31:25
have collectively that idea, oh just go to the country and you will learn is actually not how it works. Well, it
31:31
always reminds me I don't know if you were ever a Simpsons fan, but do you remember that episode? This is a long
31:36
time ago. This is like early Simpsons. I have not watched enough to to get on board with this, but I'll enjoy the
31:42
story. So Bart Simpson gets sent to France like in an exchange student program, but there was something shady
31:49
and he get he gets sent to like I don't know working like work in someone's farm or something like that and he escapes
31:55
and he's trying to ask for help and he's like trying to ask for help and everyone's looking at him because no one
32:01
speaks English and he's like mad cuz he's been there for 6 months and he's like I've been here for 6 months mom do
32:07
and then next thing you know he just speaks fluent French and I was hoping for that Eureka moment that one day I would just be walking If you went to
32:14
Yeah. If you went to work on a farm, that might have been the case if you had done that instead of living with your
32:19
girls in a nice apartment. A nice apartment going to an English school, hanging out with expats. So, yeah. So, I
32:25
mean, I will say like, you know, it's been harder for us. I mean, I'm learning a lot of Spanish in certain ways, but no
32:30
way am I near the fluency that I thought I would be after 5 years. And I think it's it's okay for an adult. I mean, I'm
32:38
I have I have my expectations and I can change my expectations, but when you're thinking about what you want for your children, we are now in the process of
32:45
moving Zena from the English speaking school to a Spanish speaking school because we feel like this is our last opportunity to give her that as a as a
32:53
gift of part of the gift of moving to Spain and we are realizing that if after
32:59
5 years we are still not even close to being in any way fluent and she has a
33:04
lot of Spanish friends but they all speak English and Um it's been a really really tough decision and uh and it's
33:10
and obviously it means leaving the school that all her friends are in. But you know we had a discussion the other
33:16
day and it was like look I feel it and I was like you must be feeling it too that there's a level that you're not getting
33:22
to with your friends and there's a level of things that you're not participating in because of the fact that you're not
33:28
fluent and super confident in Spanish. And she did agree to to that like
33:33
feeling and I was like because that's how I feel. I feel like I'm here and I can get things done and I can chat with
33:38
one person in Spanish and I'm kind of okay, but I'm not to I'm not at all just
33:44
jumping in as a culturally with everything. And I want that for her. And that was something that we wanted for
33:50
her and it's and it unfortunately we it we didn't realize that that wouldn't happen through the schools. So we're now
33:57
moving. And so that's and she's 13. We feel like we have a window there of education where if she has a hard time
34:04
for 6 months or something, we can manage that at this age. If we wait, it will
34:09
bounce back and it won't show up on it won't show up on transcripts going to colleges. Hopefully not. It's it will
34:15
correct itself for sure. Yeah, I think so. So, I think we're at a good age for that, but it it's a an incredibly hard
34:21
decision to make that now. Right. Right. I will I I will say other things to to
34:28
consider that we did when we moved here and it was the summer right so we had time but to acclimate my my kids to life
34:34
was doing normal things um that we would have done back home like going to the
34:39
movies was a big night out for us because it was like there's the like it was like this we're in this strange land but these things exist here going to you
34:48
and they have English you know they have movies once maybe one or two showings a night at a certain theater that will be
34:53
in the original English so we went to the movies if you're if you're if you're in the city. You have to go into the
34:58
city for that. By the way, it's the city folk talking the city folk. But that's okay. We're close enough. We can go into
35:04
We go into the the mall area for for movies. They do that up in Haran City or
35:11
those do they have? They have the original that's a suburb like strip mall type entertainment complex to our to our
35:17
friends. Um but um so that was like important because we had this movie night, you know, going out to eat, but
35:23
then also just like going to the zoo, like those kinds of things like we went to the zoo in LA, there's a zoo here. So
35:29
there's kind of like just continuing normal things that we would have done in the summer help them just be like, "Oh,
35:36
okay. We're here." You know, and I do think in reality when it really comes down to it, when you you worry so much
35:42
about your kids getting acclimatized, like if the environment is good and you can find them some friends, your life is
35:48
not going to be that different here, right? It's not you're going to be doing the same exact thing dayto day. You're
35:54
going to be getting up, getting food, getting your kids to school, getting them back from school, arguing with them over homework, getting homework done,
36:02
maybe going to the movies, maybe you go to the beach, maybe you didn't have a beach back home, or maybe you're doing these things. Your kids are probably
36:07
arguing if you have more than one that none of that's changing your dayto-day life slamming in Spain, right?
36:15
Eyes are still rolling in Spain. Yes. It might be this beautiful place with
36:21
better food and nice beaches, but the eyes are still rolling. Yeah. I mean, it's like your your day-to-day life is
36:26
not going to change. And I think that's a really good point that you made that you can still you can go bowling, you can go to the movies, you can still do
36:32
all of these things and keep everything not to keep everything the same, but all those things that you whatever it is you
36:37
like to do wherever you are, you can do here, right? But well, the thing is you're our lives are completely different yet they're the same no matter
36:43
where you are in the world. We're still a family. We still they they still have movies. If you're going to move to Thailand, they have movie theaters and
36:49
bowling alleys in Thailand. I'm pretty sure of it. You know what I mean? So
36:54
yeah. And I think I don't know maybe it's I think there's a there's a portion I don't know if it's easier to move if
37:00
you have more than one kid when you have one child you worry oh my god they're going to make friends they don't have the the sibling and this but then you
37:07
might have siblings that don't get along and fighting and then that's more stressful for the parents and everybody so I think it's a probably a mix. Right.
37:13
Right. And those problems you had back there you're bringing with you. You're still the same person. Um, I mean, I
37:19
think for me, I have a much cheerier outlook now because I'm doing something very exciting in my life that's always
37:24
been a dream. But, right, you know, life is stressful. I mean, Buddha said life is suffering. It it doesn't change. So,
37:33
your outlook on it can change and all of that, but you're you're still who you are in a foreign country and your kids
37:38
are still they are, but you know, I think um but you can prepare them. you can prepare yourself and and prepare
37:44
your children to however you feel you need to and and but it does help to have everyone um you know or or many people
37:52
on board to support the decision especially for your kids to hear to be like no that's awesome that's awesome I
37:58
think that's I think that's the key thing to get from this episode is make sure you have the people with around you that are supporting it you know yes and
38:04
do you do you feel like I mean I I think you should I think you know probably we
38:09
could all pat ourselves on the back I'm not asking you to to find something wrong. But is there anything you would have done differently or do you feel
38:15
like Yeah, I think it went pretty smoothly. I think I did the best that I could do. Yeah, there's nothing I would
38:20
change except things I can't change, which is I maybe wish I would have moved
38:26
I could have moved here and it was I wasn't able to moved here a year earlier and put them both into a Spanish
38:31
speaking school. That something I wish that Do you think you would have put them in a Spanish speaking school if you come? my older one was if it would
38:38
probably been more of a two-year difference. If my older one was at like 12 when we moved here, I think I would
38:44
have I would have researched that more and probably have done that. Um, but
38:51
being the age she was she was at the time, that scared me. And maybe maybe I
38:56
but she's very happy where she's at and they love their school and I love their friends and they have a good group of
39:02
friends and so you know I'm not it it's what it is you know but and I do I do feel like if we had decided to go into
39:09
the Spanish public school system we may not have ended up in Valencia and that would have been a bummer. Maybe it would have been better or maybe it would have
39:14
been I mean who knows but we do love Valencia and we probably wouldn't have ended up here if we were moving into the
39:20
Spanish school system because it would have been they it would have it's taught in Valenciano so you know and there's
39:27
you have to look at that with the different parts of Spain. There are various um communities in Spain that have a a second language where they
39:34
teach that in the schools and they're not teaching cast into Castiliano in the schools. So I think had we not gone the
39:41
route that we went, we may not have ended up here. We would have ended up in another part of Spain probably and then we would have never met and your life
39:47
would have been so much better. Right. So much better. No, there you go. This
39:53
has been that has been a delight meeting you before we moved here and when we moved here. So it's been um we would
40:00
never have had the show if we never met. If you'd never bugged me on Facebook
40:05
answered one of my questions. One of my now I look back I probably stupid questions right. Yeah. Well and two our
40:12
girls are friends so that that's a friendship for them as well. So it's always nice. I mean that's that's always
40:18
my goal if if it's at all possible is if Zena has a friend and I like her parents. I that is such a win-win for me
40:25
because then we all can go out and do something together and and we can all have a nice time rather than like oh
40:30
we're going to go do something with your friend and now you got to come do something with my friends. And it's like it's really nice when that blends.
40:36
That's kind of something that I look for as well. But um that's just a personal
40:42
sort of preference, I think. Um but yeah, I mean we could have done things I think a lot of things differently, but
40:48
it it did it worked out. But like I said, both of us did things incredibly differently and we've sort of ended up
40:53
in the same place, which is interesting. So no regrets. No regrets.
41:00
Ask the kids. We'll have to do a podcast of just the girls talking to each other and be like, "Oh my god, would ever want
41:05
to be on board on on um uh coming on the show, right? We I I got them to be able
41:11
to agree that I was able to talk about them, but we'll see if but if they actually want to be on it." I think I
41:18
think the initial move was was um was quite hard um for Zena and for all of
41:24
us, I think, because we all miss the people that we were there. So I think the initial few months of when before
41:29
you have your new friends in your new place I think are quite tough. I mean in reality that is you're leaving good
41:36
friends behind and it doesn't make sense. So let me let us end the episode this on this thought then because I do
41:42
see a lot of people um in the in different groups will say that
41:48
people and I I I've noticed this a lot with people who've moved here by themselves too, right? They they have a
41:54
sixmon what did I do like the honeymoon's over reality set in they get homesick and did you have that have you
42:03
did you have a homesick moment or a anything and it was weird because you had co you were locked inside I mean
42:09
there's even if you were homesick you couldn't go back anyway so you were trapped right no for me for me it was it
42:16
was kind of nice to be back in Europe and be able to well and eventually be able to go back and forth to England so
42:22
I did not have that But I think as soon as and we because we because of how we landed here and people were so nice, we
42:28
actually did meet some friends quite quickly um that have become become lifelong friends. So I think for us I
42:35
didn't have that. I mean I still I still miss my friends from there. I still but I had already moved from LA to DC. So I
42:41
already had friends in other parts and I had already moved from England to America. So I was very used to that feeling of being somewhere that I wanted
42:47
to be that I had chosen to be and making new friends there and getting in getting on board with that while still missing
42:53
the friends that I had in other places. But I was also now moving closer to some friends and you know family and so no I
43:00
did not personally have that but I could see how you would have that if you um have maybe never moved before and don't
43:07
don't know that feeling very well and not prepared for it. I'll agree with you because it's been the same for me. I
43:12
moved around a lot as a child and was always kind of excited for the next move. So, and and and and friendships
43:20
have always been kind of like that's my one possession I feel in life are my friendships. I I keep friends for a long
43:26
for life I hope you know and you know you can make new ones and I think that's something. Yeah. And so when we moved
43:32
here I made friends like you. I made friends with other people that I still have lunch with or coffee with you know
43:37
once a month or something like that. So, I I do get that kind of grown-up talk, you know, conversation out. But yeah, I
43:44
didn't have a what did we we what did I do kind of moment. The only time I had
43:50
it was the first the first real night here. It was the next night and I
43:57
remember we were sitting on the the the the Grand Villa at an outside restaurant
44:02
and everything was relaxed. the bags were there, you know, things things were
44:07
ordered and we were sitting there and and it was 973 million degrees outside and I'm sweating and having a Fanta and
44:14
the we're eating and I looked around and that's the first time it had hit me in a
44:20
year and a half of planning this of what the curse word did I just do? I'm
44:28
looking around at the trees and the beautiful buildings and I'm like this isn't a vacation. What did I do? And I
44:35
wasn't like I wasn't I was like I was at this quick moment like this could this could move into a panic attack and I'm
44:42
not going to let it and it didn't. Like when I had that thought in my head this will not be a panic attack. This will
44:47
not be a panic attack that I smiled and finished my Fanta and we went home and had the air conditioning and it's been
44:53
fine ever since that not that everything's peaches and cream. I mean there are stresses. It's still living
44:58
life. Yeah. I think I I think I had that on the plane because that was the first moment of stop. That was your your stop.
45:07
That was the first stop moment, right? And I have a you know and I I think that that's there is a moment where like you
45:13
are packed. You're I mean and even up until getting on the plane, you got your ticket, you got to check in your bags, the 500 bags that we bought. Like
45:20
there's all these things that have to happen still. And when you sit on the plane and you're sitting there and you're like, "Oh, we just like, wow,
45:26
we're like on a plane going somewhere and there we got nowhere to go." Right.
45:32
But then and then but once we got to Spain and we went into lockdown like 5 days later, there were no planes going
45:38
out. So it didn't matter whether you wanted to be here or not, you were going to be here. So we were at that point, we were locked in literally to to the plan.
45:46
So at that point that even if you wanted to have a panic attack, it wasn't going to achieve anything, right?
45:52
But I think for me it was the plane was the first moment where it was like like you're breathing and you realize what
45:58
you've done. Right. Right. Because you did so much planning. Right. So so much
46:04
planning. So much so much running around so much getting rid of so much purging your stuffing
46:09
and and luckily and I had said this in I think our first episode that you know I had a friend we took the boat over and a
46:14
friend came with me and held my hand. So even then I didn't have a breathing moment. It was not until we were here and
46:22
settled and we had Yeah. And we had we had very mixed emotions too because when we got on when we were on the plane and
46:28
the plane took off, I was also incredibly relieved because there was there was that was the time in March the
46:33
beginning of March 2020 when they were I was 100% sure they were going to start cancelling flights. Mhm. So the fact and
46:41
I was had considered changing our flight to to leave earlier which would have been very difficult and impractical but
46:49
you know because we were fine-tuned right to the last minute really of how things and people we were going to see and all this kind of stuff. So um I was
46:56
also incredibly relieved that our plane took off and we were on it. So there was a lot of emotions at that moment, but I
47:04
think one of them definitely was like, "Oh my god, it's really happening." Like because there is you're so enrapped in
47:09
everything, it's it is hard to really feel those emotions until Yeah. either you're here in that first moment of
47:14
silence or whatever it is, right? Yeah. Or the kids the kids have gone to bed, you're like
47:21
and no regrets. Yeah. So I think Yeah. No regrets is how we're going to save
47:26
for this. It will all work out. And I hope some of our tips have helped you if you're worried about your family and
47:32
your children. You if you're thinking about moving here or anywhere in the world or across town, it's it's it's
47:38
similar. It's it's just it's it's more drastic when you change countries. But yeah, just planning planning and making
47:44
sure everyone's on board, I guess. There you go. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. It's going to be
47:51
great. Yes. Well, until next time. And between now and then, there will
47:56
probably be a Poco Poco. So, we hope you enjoy those our new episodes. Absolutely. Enjoy. All right. Bye.
48:06
Hey, can't get enough of us? Follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Podcast and on our website.com, which we will be
48:13
updating with exciting new things as we grow. We would love for you to message us with any topics you would like to
48:18
hear about. See you next time. Bye. [Music]