Ah Spain!

AI generated, please excuse any errors!

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[Music]
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Welcome back everyone. Hi Tanya. Hi Gatano. Um so we have we have a hook
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guys. We figured it out. Well, we hope we figured it out. Um we're we're going to try it out and see how it works. But
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it actually makes a lot of sense. So um do you want to explain it and then I'll
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start with one? It's kind of funny that it's taken us What are we at now? episode 8 to um figure out something
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that was so blatantly obvious to us. And we knew before we knew before we knew before we even started doing this. This
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was the whole thing is we're calling this podcast a Spain for a reason
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because a Spain means ah Spain or ah Spain. So, it's a it's a it's a we have
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happy moments and it's the awe of relaxation and of awe and of happiness
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and it's the awe of let me hit my head against a brick wall yet again the
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things that just don't make sense to us foreigners that probably make perfect sense here and I will mind you I I do
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speak to a lot of Spaniards and our frustrating ah Spain moments are theirs too so it's not just it's not all
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culturally accepted But it's funny because we talked about this for so long when we were trying to name the podcast.
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So it's just hilarious that we're like we need a hug. We don't know what that's going to be and we obviously just had
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it. Um so we are um we are as smart as we
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look. So we are we are as smart as we look. I will say that it's children. Children have ruined my brain ruined our
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brains. I think a lot of parents can probably relate to that. I think that's a relatable moment. That's a that's an
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ah parenting moment but anyway so yes so I have an ah Spain good moment that I
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had not moment it was actually 25 minutes long yesterday that I was um we
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talked a little bit before about the orange fields and the orange blossoms and how amazing they smell and that for
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me there may be other people that have come from areas and countries that have orange fields I have not um And I've
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never lived in the middle of that. And we live up in the mountains and we have two options to take Zena to school. We
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can either take the Autovilla or we can take the farm road. Mhm. And because And the Autovilla is the highway lady. Is
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the highway. Yes. Or the freeway. Or the freeway. Or the motorway. Where? Expressway. No, I think expressways
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always have tolls, right? So it's just a freeway. Oh, they do? Yeah. That's a toll road.
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So I don't know. Tangent. Okay, back to the farm road that we were on. So, yesterday when I went to pick up Zena
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from school, it takes us about 20 minutes or 23 minutes to get from our house to her school. And I took the farm
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road and I rolled down the windows and all the orange fields are in blossom.
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And for 25 minutes all the way from home to school, I was just inhaling orange
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blossom smells. And it was so delightful and such a pleasure. It's so heavenly,
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right? because the city is alive right now. And I don't know if people know this, but a lot of the ornamental trees,
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most of the ornamental trees in the center of town are orange trees and you just don't notice it all year except in
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February, March when the well now we're in April. So it's like March, April is when they're starting the blossoms are
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starting because they harvest in like January, February, right? And it's like as soon as they harvest the trees, the blossoms shoot right out. It's crazy how
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quicky. But no, no offense to those living in the city, but us country folk
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get the orange orange blossom smells without all the other city smells. There are no city smells. Valencia is a clean
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and and wonderful, lovely smelling city, so don't It actually is pretty delightful for a city, I will say. But I
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it it was really nice just to have that for 25 minutes or whatever. And I was like, "This is amazing." So then I made
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Zena drive with we drove back the same way with all the windows open and she's like, "Whatever."
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I was I was at a cafe yesterday with a friend and it was the same thing. I was like just sitting there like, "Oh, it's
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so just it just it just puts a smile on your face because you smell this perfume." And I've been in some areas. I
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remember last year when I first, you know, it was our first time with it and we were near the cathedral and there was
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a courtyard that had just tons of orange trees. Was like it was almost a little sickening. I was like, I think it's
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turning my stomach. This is this is too much sugar in the air. Yeah. I'm like, but amazing. Yeah, a really
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amazing. I don't know. Clearly in a an adult thing to to really enjoy that to that extent. It's a stop and smell the
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roses. Here we are stopping and smelling. And I have been known to maybe cut a little branch off and put it in a
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vase in the house, but then and it does like one little tiny little sprig will smell up the whole house. It's extremely
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fragrant, isn't it? Yeah. Compared to other um blossoms on trees, I think I mean we lived um outside of DC and we'd
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go into the the um the cherry blossoms that are all over in DC in April, end of April, beginning of May I think and it
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doesn't smell of anything, right? Super pretty, but it doesn't smell of anything. Um so I found that um that the
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orange blossoms are just extremely fra fragrant which are delightful. So orange blossom I'll give you a little recipe
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tip. Do you want a little recipe? Do you do you like orange blossom water? Yes. How do you do it? So, what I do with
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orange blossom water, you put like a capful in your rice when you're cooking your rice in your rice water. We have a
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rice cooker, so I just put a little capful. I thought you were going to tell me how to make orange blossom water. No, hold it now. They sell it at the store.
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You know, it's been the Bulgarian store or the Indian store to find it. But I
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was gonna say you will, funnily enough, you will not find orange blossom, orange
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flavoring, orange blossom like water and those things that you're talking about in the Spanish stores, which just
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surprises me because I was like, isn't it in everything? And it's not. So you they have all these orange cakes, right?
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Like all the bakeries have the little orange cakes, the little orange muffins, but you're right. It's not they don't have orange extract like No, but I don't
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know where they're getting their extracts from. Probably like a a restaurant shop or maybe the Asian
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stores. uh from Tia Maria over who has the field is pressing some orange blossoms for them. I don't know. They're
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making it from scratch. I did make a really good I did find it eventually and I can't now remember where I found it,
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but I did then make a um an orange like flavored shortbread with chocolate chips
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and it was really really good. So another one of these. Yeah. Well, I want that. She also makes this thing called
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millionaire shortbread which I haven't had in like a year now. So I'm just I haven't made it in a year. It's quite
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time consuming but it's really good isn't it? It is very good. It's it's amazing. Not
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good for you but very good. What is good for you really? You know nothing good.
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So we were going to talk about today because we had gotten a comment on Facebook or is it Yeah, it was Facebook
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not Instagram. It was a comment on Facebook on one of our posts or a post we posted in another group, but someone
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had asked they would love to hear about how we make friends um since we've moved
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here and I thought, hey, that is a perfect thing to talk about if you're moving anywhere in the world, right?
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That is a good question. I mean, I've moved a lot, so I've kind of honed that skill a little bit. Um, but I do think
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for some people that have maybe not moved a lot or it's been a while or you're moving under different
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circumstances like with kids or without kids or something, it's a it's a bit of a concern like you're you're leaving
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somewhere where you have friends obviously and and you're moving somewhere where maybe you don't know anybody which I think is how a lot of us
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moved here. We didn't know anybody or the language. I mean I don't know many expats that moved here with any grasp of
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Spanish. Any of the ones I've met are we all just we are fish out of water here. this is yeah so it's a concern I think
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um it wasn't something that I really thought about I was thinking about a lot of other things um and I had also I I
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moved from England when I was 21 I moved from I moved I moved to LA then I moved to the DC area so I've moved enough to
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kind of have a little bit of a sort of feel about how to do that and how long
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it takes and I I think my first before we get into how you make friends I think
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the first thing is to consider that you need to put some time into that
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specifically when you first arrive and you might meet a lot of people through different things and not everyone's
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going to be your new best friend but if you meet enough people you'll find a group of a small group or a few people
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that you really really like so it's a bit of patience too and I think it also matters if if you have kids or not
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because that totally affects so much what I had noticed here um which is so
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much different than America. And granted, my kids are now a little bit older. I mean, my youngest when we moved here had her last year of primary
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education, right? But there's not a lot of parent involvement in schools here.
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So, you don't you're not like just thrown to all these parents. But that being said, now my kids are older. Even
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if we were still in the States, by middle school and high school, you're not meeting anyone's parents anymore because it's like maybe you're on campus
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once or twice a year versus like kindergarten through third grade. you're there every day picking up and meeting
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all the parents and they want roommothers. But that I I mean I wasn't here for the early years, but as far as
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I can tell, you know, it's it's not really a thing the parental involvement. Like our school was the beginning of the
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school year. There was new new kids day and then they had a a new parents night kind of thing and then they had like a
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back to school night. But we've been now two years we've been to it's we just talked to the same people we talked to
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the first time. So, it's not the same as like an instant friend meeting zone. No. And also, you have a you have a
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different experience, too, because your girls take the bus and I drive Zena. So,
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and when she was in elementary school, we had to you could drive through and pick up, but you could also park and
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walk down and pick up pick her up, but she had to be picked up. And so, I'm at the school daily twice. So, that makes a
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difference, I think. And but you're right, there's there's no they don't do,
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you know, fundraisers and this and that. And then as soon as your kids hit middle school, it's like independence, you
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know, which is good. Like the kids have to learn how to do stuff to take care of themselves, figure out their own homework. You're not being called if
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they haven't done their homework. Like, you know, they have to do something pretty bad, I would imagine, for you to get contacted from the school. So, um,
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you're you're really not like we have a there's a barbecue coming up for the whole school, which is pretty fun. But I've also noticed at those barbecues
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because they have like bouncy castles and they make a really big like day of it that there's very very few high
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school kids there and not so many upper middle school kids either. It's a very
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it's very fun for the younger kids than those families because it's a you know you're with your kids anyway having to
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entertain them. So yeah, you're going to take your kid to a bouncy castle. Right. Right. Right. Um, but when you once your kids hit middle school, you're like, I
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don't need to entertain my kid all weekend, so I don't need to go to an event with other people. So, yeah,
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you're right. It dwindles. It does dwindle. Yeah. So, I mean, and we've friendly like I used to take my girls to
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the bus stop in the morning. So, there's there's there's some parents there that I've become very good friends with, some
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Spanish and some um expats. Um, we're the only we're the only Americans at the
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stop, but there's a uh a Serbian Hungarian mixed marriage and there is a
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Russian family that we're very good friends with. So, you know, there's these, you know, there's another family that just moved back that we're not they
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don't show up because their kids older. Met him once. I'm like, "Oh, he'll be a good dad friend." And he's never shown up again because his son is older and
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he's got a younger kid at a different school. So, they're taking that one to that bus stop. Right. So, Right. And I and I think we might parent a little
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differently too in this particular regard. Like I think we parent quite similarly in a lot of ways, but in this
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particular regard, I have one child. So I also feel more of an obligation to
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make events and do things with her friends that she meets at school outside
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of school for instance. So when when we've moved, one of the things that I've been when we moved here, one of the
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things that I was very conscious of is like if she met in friend in school, I would get the number of the parent, we would organize to do something on the
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weekends together. And always that has been a yes, let's do it. Let's do
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something. And then pretty much always those we those parents I've become friends with and we've all become
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friends with and we do stuff together. So, we I make that effort because I have
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an only child and it's not fair for her to not have any friends, you know, or
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anybody over on the on the weekends to do stuff with of her age. So, I do make the effort and I have met a lot of
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really really really nice people that I'm also friends with who luckily her she's friends with the kids. So, you
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know, I think there's that's an effort that I made because I wanted to make friends and I wanted her to make friends. So if I've and if she so if she
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meets someone in school throughout her whole life I've always made an effort to to meet with that family and us do stuff
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together and that hasn't changed here. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean when I was I mean it's when you have two kids um
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uh the older one got all that attention and then the younger one was like figure it out because I've already made the
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friends with the parents in that class and I don't want to meet the parents in the other class. It's just too much. Right? That's kind of like kind of how
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it happened. But now that we're here, my older one is making her own plans and I've met some, you know, we all the
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parents have met each other and some I've like socialized with, but they live in the suburbs. Again, you know, it's one of these things that it's they're
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just it's just not convenient. Um, and then my youngest one, all of her friends are expats from other countries. She
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doesn't have any native speaking English. So, even though she's friends with Russian girl, a Chinese girl,
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forget what other country, she's got countries, right? She's like she's got a Benon ad advertisement of friends, but
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none of the parents speak English. So, it's just really like hitting my head. That's a a spade, right? I'm hitting my head. That's a little more difficult.
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Yeah. Because I don't know how I would feel about I mean, Zena can have friends, but for for her to like go over
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to a friend's house and this type of thing is at this point not happening unless I've met the parents or probably
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been to their house, which may be different from how you would do it. And also it might be a different scenario
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when you have access to so many more people in the city than I do because also we live remotely. So there's she's
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I mean we so we have people in our community. So we're in we have a house inside of a sort of a pre-built
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community area called an urbanization. And so there's people in there and the urbanization does things and we have a
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little restaurant here, some tennis courts and stuff. So we can go and go into that cafe and do things. But what
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we also did, which was I think incredibly smart of us, is we took um some neighbors that we had in Virginia
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and moved them here down the street. Yes. So, if you can do that, I I didn't do that. Um I have friends in LA that
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would like to move here. And whenever I talk to them, they're like, I wish we we could be there, too. I'm like, well, you
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know, the border's not closed yet since you're coming. I I highly recommend moving your friends over with you. It
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worked out very well for us. It's that's a bit of a unique situation, I will say. And we're also, you know,
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we've met our neighbors. We we do stuff with our neighbors, but um our Spanish isn't my I can I can communicate with
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someone in Spanish and have Your Spanish is a lot better than mine, for sure. Yeah. I can do a one-on-one conversation
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about subjects that I have vocabulary for, but I can't sit at a dining room table and really have conversations with
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a bunch of Spanish people. So, if we do stuff with neighbors, it's one-on-one with those neighbors. So that does kind
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of limit our access to the Spanish community as a whole because it just means we're doing one-on-one things. We
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invite them over, they invite us over, you know, Zena goes to their pool, you know, they come to our pool, whatever,
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like that type of thing. But we're we're sort of limited with and we live in a very Spanish, very, very Spanish area.
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So, um, other than our friends that we moved here, everyone in our organization is is Spanish. Right. Right. Um, so
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we're limited to kind of one-on-one things with them, which is fine, but it does it limits your ability to build a a
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big vast group of people, you Well, and I've noticed too, I mean, with with having the two kids and I have one
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that's in Valley Conservatory, so we never see here to begin with and and my younger one and um she has a couple
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activities a week, but with my older one in ballet conservatory, it limits the
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amount of time we can actually be social because her schedule is so tight that I have to make sure homework's getting
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done on the weekend. So, we don't and she we can't have people over because she's got to get all this work done that didn't get done during the week on the
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weekends. So like our first year we were much more social because she wasn't in conservatory our first year here. So she
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was in ballet a couple nights a week. Homework was more manageable. So we were having people over on a Thursday night or a Saturday night. It wasn't wasn't it
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wasn't affecting her. So you're blaming your daughter on you 100%. Is this where we're going? No. I I have a full life.
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So let's get off to children because the reality is I have a full life. I just meet my friends at lunch, right? Like I go, you know, I got to cut this short
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soon, lady, cuz I got Fred meet me at 2:30. So, you know,
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that's true. Yeah. So, you have the day and there's and and also there's a lot of people that don't have kids that come over. So, I think I think overall
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different thing, right? Because if you don't have kids, I I've noticed the people who don't have kids who I'm
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friends with, their social life is seven days a week if they want it to be, right? They are like I mean, I'll get
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invitations. Come meet us for dinner on Tuesday. We're meeting at 8:30. Like I'm serving dinner at my house at 8:30. Like
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I I miss out on a lot because of the children. Now in the summertime, I don't
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miss out because I'm not policing homework and all that stuff and I can leave my kids at home alone and go out.
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No, I think I think you can have whatever social life you you desire. But I think what we're and I'm a single parent, too, so it doesn't allow me out
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of the house, right? That's Yeah. to get back to how you meet people, you know, that's the that's what I was getting
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into, which is if you don't have children, it is different because when you do have children, you can meet I've
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met pretty much everybody we know other than our neighbors um through Zena and
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and her the the families that that that she made friends with at school are the ones that we become really friendly
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with. So, I think you definitely have the ability if you have kids to probably
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make a lot of friends quicker, I would say, possibly. But if you don't have friends, you can still make We made
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friends through our Spanish classes. We went and took Spanish classes. We met a bunch of We've have a really nice network of of friends just through the
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Spanish classes that we took. So, there's a lot of different ways you can meet as I think. I mean, I think that
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par I think that people without kids have just as easy. They just have to it's it's not so like I've
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got a gymnastics class and there's going to be parents sitting there for an hour that I can talk to. Right. Exactly. But
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there are tons we've talked about this before. There it's how we met, right? There are these Facebook groups and if you're active, I mean we once we move
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the the first week we moved here, we had you as friends. We had this other family that moved here the week we moved here
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and then the the family that um found us our apartment through Facebook, right? So we had met them all through Facebook.
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And so we thankfully hit it off with all of you and had this had this group of
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friends and then we've been adding and as you know as a as a as a gay single father there's these there's other gay
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fathers here and we there we've met because of that right there's these communities some of it's through
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Facebook or but some have been here longer and have joined people together. I think the people that that are in the
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city are very um there's a lot of activities going on within the expat community. But I one thing about the um
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about the Facebook groups, I'm a member of some other Facebook groups in other cities for various reasons um and places
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that I've lived and things. And I will say the Valencia Facebook groups for the expats is a very special place. The
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people Yeah, it is. It's it's different and and it's it's disappointing for the other places honestly, but the one the
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Valencia ones, the people are super helpful. Um there's a lot of it's very active and and people are just really
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really open about trying to help people and and it's just this this it's a real community place. And in a lot of other
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places, it's a ton of ads, a ton of crap that you don't want to be um seeing and
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just like it isn't such a community like such a community helping environment.
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And I so different areas of Spain and different other parts of the world might have not the experience that we've all
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had with the with the Valencia Facebook, right? And then there's these WhatsApp groups like there's these little kids
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WhatsApp group, there's a single parents WhatsApp group which didn't have any gay members. So I ignate out of that one
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because they all wanted to date and well that not my not my cup of tea. So there you go. So you will you can join stuff
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and find that that group even though it says one thing is actually for something totally different. Yeah. It's more of a dating site than bonding over being
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single parents. But then there's like the teen group, right? So I've met a lot of parents I would never have met
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because they all come from different schools. So I mean and that was that's a benefit that you have from living in the
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city which you have access to these all these events that go on. Now, not that I couldn't go down into the city and and
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like go to those events, but quite frankly, we've managed to stay friends because we chat a lot. Obviously, we
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don't have a problem talking right to each other. At least to each other. At least we take each other's calls, you
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know. I find that it's very hard for me to nurture a friendship with somebody that lives in the city. I have to
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nurture friendships with people that also live outside of the city because they're willing to get in their car and drive back and forth to my house, me to
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their house, that kind of thing. And when we do visit Tanya, it is it is it is she has to come meet us halfway town
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the mountain to get for us to get up there easily. It's not it's just not it's not going to happen. It's not
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practical to really have a friendship if you live outside of the city with people in the city unless you really really
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become very good friends and and both parties are willing to to kind of go and the city friends have cars because it is
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hard you I mean some of the city thankfully you are it's not that far for you to pick us up to the last train station but it is but if we want to
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leave at midnight then it's a whole it's a whole yeah then it's a pain and it just becomes it becomes a whole thing.
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So, I'm just saying overall it's easier to when you live outside of the city to have other friends that have cars
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basically because then they can come over to dinner and leave, right? I have to leave with you or have you stay
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overnight or something which that something like that has to happen. So, it's a different kind of relationship and we don't go into the city enough to
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be and I'm sure a lot of people that live out at the side of the city will go in all the time and do things, but I
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mean I just find I'm too busy to do that and so for me that's a different thing.
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Um, and that does depend a little bit on where you live. And when you have kids in the international school, the parents
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are everywhere. Like there's a lot of people in the city, but they're also in parts of the city that are further away than you are. And if they're north, like
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our school, both of our daughters go to schools that are north of the city. And a lot of parents live north of the school, which means they're completely
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off limits to me. Right. Well, there you go. So, there is a thing. Um, there's I will say there was this one the
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Palomius. This was last year. The mom had a birthday party on a Monday afternoon at like a bowling alley but in
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the city like in Sukunto which is not close to Valencia. And she's like make it easy. It's not not it's not it is
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close. It's like 20 minutes from Valencia and you can take a train. It's not 20 minutes by train. You're looking at least an hour by train. It is not an
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hour by train. It can't be. Yeah. Well, poul is 30 and you're at least and then
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you have to another half an hour to get to the train station and then and then get from the train station to the place
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and then get back and you can see I don't take the train much and it's a Monday so it wasn't even like oh we can
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make a day and it'll be and then I still have to get them home for dinner and school for so it is very I these schools
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are you the the the where these kids are coming from can be very spread out um but you know there are lots of different
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be you know besides the Facebook groups. I know there's like an international women's group that I've heard about that
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a lot of people join and there's a there's a a men's what do they call it? Men's
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brigade. I don't know. There's a word like there's a there's a word I'm looking for. It'll come to me at some point. A men's brigade. That sounds
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men's. [Music]
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I mean, like I said before, we took Spanish classes. We met up. I mean, it's all it's all international people that
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don't speak Spanish. That's true. And I've had lunch with those people. Yeah. And those and everybody there most likely really annoyingly when you're
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when you're learning Spanish as your first second language like it's they all
25:02
speak English too, right? So, you're in a place where everybody has already learned another language and they're on their fourth. Yeah. Their fourth, fifth,
25:09
sixth language. and you're struggling because you don't understand what the verb tenses are, you know, cuz you don't
25:14
even know I don't even know like the name of the verb tenses and the teachers and everybody else in the class is like, "Yeah, that's the, you know, the
25:20
whatever subjunctive and you're like the what? I don't know what that is." So, that was probably the hardest thing
25:26
about learning Spanish for me is is just everybody else understand that. But we met some really nice people in the in
25:31
the Spanish classes and we we are still friends. And so that's and that is something you have to do anyway really
25:37
unless you come if you come here speaking Spanish you have you know obviously access to a lot more people to
25:42
become friends with but if you don't the Spanish classes you know don't if you if you really want to make friends don't
25:48
sit at home taking them online go and take a class right yeah take a class and I I'm not taking class this year um uh
25:56
but I did last year and it it it definitely improved but you know I'm also I will say in my second year here
26:02
even though I didn't take Spanish this this last like school term my language
26:07
has improved in not I'm not speaking more but I can understand so much more there's so much more of the osmosis
26:13
coming I could read I can see headlines and I know what they're talking about right you start picking up some of this
26:19
stuff so I mean I want to take it again next year we'll talk about we'll talk about Spanish classes and how to learn
26:25
Spanish is another episode yeah it doesn't I in my opinion it didn't and we obviously came with the we were going to
26:31
take intensive classes and do all these things, but we landed in COVID and we couldn't go to class. And so by the time
26:37
all that was over, we had really really lost our desire, right? But you know that that's fine. We kind of get back
26:42
into it. Um but it's not going anywhere. Spanish is exactly and I would say for
26:49
every single time that I've moved, you kind of have to suck up any level of
26:54
social anxiety that you have for like just for six months. Just say for six months you're going to get out. You're
27:00
going to do things. I met somebody here in the grocery store. She was clearly English. She had a she had a daughter
27:06
that was Zena's age. They were running around. You know, you can tell people the Spanish I mean, if you speak English
27:11
on the street to your child, I've had people like, "Oh, you're American. You're you like, "What? What? What?
27:16
What? That's a language. Hello. Who are you? Do you live in the neighborhood?" That where we live in a small town, it
27:22
sticks out more. So, you know, this lady obviously she looked she looked not Spanish and that was that was the first
27:28
thing because the Spanish look a certain they still look a certain way. They tend not to be blonde and and blue-eyed
27:34
generally. So, if you you know if you're in the grocery store and there's this blonde blue-eyed lady there with her
27:39
blond blue-eyed kid, you know, I barely didn't have to wait for her to speak to realize that. I would I want to add too
27:46
that you know we're American and British and you know this is this is our experience but the reality is this
27:52
applies to every nationality. You hear tons of different languages on the streets here. There's lots of Russians.
27:57
There's lots of French people. You hear you know lots of I mean I've heard a lot there's a lot of Algerians that live
28:02
here. So you hear all these different languages and I think the story is same for everybody. You know you I think it
28:07
is and there's a lot of there's yeah there's people from from everywhere and some of those places are English speaking. There's a lot of Eastern
28:13
European, Ukrainian, everybody. There's everybody is here. I mean, it's a it really is a beautiful melting pot like
28:19
that. But so I just say my my first thing is in and like I said before, most of those people speak English already,
28:26
right? Right. Most of them. You've had an experience where that's not the case in certain in certain cases, but I think you will find that you will have a
28:32
language in common um first before you all learn Spanish. But so my my advice is just to let go of your social
28:38
anxiety. I talked to that woman in the store. I wouldn't have done that in in America. Well, yeah. Then she thinks she's going to try to kill you. So, I
28:45
mean, I'm just saying like let go of that. You know, if you want to meet people, you need to just really let go
28:50
of your social anxiety or whatever type you have for like six months and meet as many people as possible because after
28:55
that, then you will find within six months, you will have you only need like three or four people that you actually
29:01
like hanging out with, you know? And and and I will add that you have to keep that open though, too, because expats
29:06
come and go. Even friends that say they're going to be here forever, their life circumstances change or their
29:11
attitudes change. They it wasn't what they thought it was going to be or an emergency happens from wherever they're
29:17
from or they get a different job offer. So um always be open to keep meeting
29:22
more people and and like you like you had said when that was the least of my worries and that was and that was
29:28
something that was brought up to me often about moving here was oh my god I couldn't imagine uprooting in my family
29:34
and not knowing anyone and like you I have moved a million times in my life so that was like that is that is the least
29:42
of my problems I'm worry about I know that'll work itself out it's not going to be a problem and we lived in DC
29:47
before so I in DC area. We lived in Northern Virginia, but that's all that's a lot of military. So, there's a lot of
29:53
people coming and going. And Zena had already had several friends upsticks and leave in the time that we were there.
29:59
So, I'm not I'm not unfamiliar with that um as a thing either. But, you're right with the with the international crowd,
30:05
there's a lot of reasons that people have to go back home or get another job and live somewhere else and and new
30:10
people come in. But once you have a few friends, I think that also, and I think you've mentioned this before, that
30:16
people are very, very excited to meet people. So, it's not like you're trying to sort of get into a click. It's like
30:24
everyone's like, "Oh my god, you're new. Come come and do this thing." And and everyone's pretty much lived here not that long, right? So, most of the expats
30:30
you're going to meet haven't lived here 20 years. And and even if they had, they're still excited to meet you because their their their
30:36
their base of of friends is still small. that is English speaking or from back
30:42
from wherever their back home is or where they may have lived, right? So, like some of people are just Spaniards
30:48
that lived out of the country for 20 years and are so excited to meet an American or a British because they lived there and they're like, "Oh my god,
30:53
that's so great." Like I actually had lunch yesterday with my old Spanish teacher and she had lived in America and
31:00
lived in Australia. So she was like, I love I want to talk my English. Even though she teaches Spanish, she speaks
31:05
English a lot, but she was like, it's to her she was she had been here. I think she said she's lived here for like 20
31:11
years now, but uh she moved back to Valencia 20 years ago, but she um uh but
31:16
for her it was like, oh, this I get to like you're still fresh. Tell me how things are. Right. Well, and I think
31:23
it's funny because when I first moved, so I was an expat in America for 25 years, right? So, I've lived for a long
31:29
time, not in my home country, per se. And when one of the things that surprised me when I moved to America,
31:36
which was which is I think still sort of happens where you ask people where they're from, and I was expecting
31:41
someone to say, well, New York or, you know, wherever, and they're like, I'm, you know, Italian American, you know,
31:47
and I'm like, what? Right. Americans identify themselves as where their
31:53
family was before, not as Americans themselves. We're talking before before, you know, they're like, "Yeah, I'm Dutch
31:59
American." And and you're like, "You your your your parent one of your parents is Dutch." They're like, "No, no, no. My great great grandmother."
32:05
Okay. You're American. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a very American thing. It's like we identify ourselves all the way
32:11
back to the Mayflower before we call ourselves. Yeah. This isn't how it works. Okay. So, my my experience in
32:16
America was that was that people felt like they were from somewhere else. And even though it's it's a very patriotic
32:22
country, they would always be very proud of the fact that someone in their family in the distant distant parts was from somewhere else, right? So you don't and
32:28
you don't have a lot of I mean there are obviously a lot of people coming and going from America as well like I did then you meet people from other places
32:35
but actually in when you're in Europe which is a different experience you're
32:40
so close to so many different countries that people you know have lived they've they've lived six hours away in another
32:47
country right and they've lived there and come back or those people have come over here and going back and there's a
32:52
lot more movement you know of of the nationalities here as well so I think one of the things that's really nice and
32:58
unique here is that you do meet people from Belgium and France and Italy and Denmark and England here and we're all
33:05
sort of expats together here and some of them like you said it's Spanish people that have gone away married someone come
33:11
back and so it's a lot of the families are split with different nationalities from all over Europe and it's really
33:16
cool like that I love and it's a real cultural exchange I mean going from California to Nevada is not a cultural
33:22
exchange you know but going from true but you living in Spain to moving
33:28
to France, it's a complete different experience and the same driving time between Vegas and LA, right? So,
33:33
absolutely. Yeah. And it and and you have everything in America, so there's no reason to go somewhere else to ski or to go somewhere else to go to the beach,
33:40
right? Because you can do that all inside of America. But here, especially if you're from an England, you're going to go to France if you want to ski,
33:46
you're going to go to Spain if you want a beach, and it's all the same distance or less even. Or less. Yeah. And it's
33:51
and it's very, you know, it's very inexpensive to travel within within Europe compared to America. I mean, to
33:57
take a flight from LA to Vegas is exponentially more expensive than taking a flight from Valencia to Paris. And
34:03
it's crazy how that is, you know, and we get we get tickets to go down to Morocco, they're €20. Or Jawad will be
34:09
like really happy. He finds one for like 16. He's like we like have a competition on who can find the cheapest flights to
34:14
different places that we want to go to, which is one of the I know that's a lot of the reason that people love being in
34:20
Europe. the people that are thinking about coming to Spain. Um, that's one of the reasons and it was one of the things
34:25
that I wanted to give our daughter because I had grown up like that and in America even though I loved all the just
34:31
the all the different things you can do there. It was it was culturally like you were saying like not as interesting to
34:37
go do those things in the same country, right? I mean I think with America you have beauty which you have here. You
34:42
have everything but but you don't have a cultural exchange and beauty, right? So, you have different here and and we'll
34:48
get a we'll definitely have an episode about traveling in Europe and what it's like to get around. But, um I would like
34:54
to say that, you know, to get back on topic with cuz we kind of go on tangents, people, in case you haven't noticed, eight episodes in. Wait, what
35:00
were we talking about? What was this episode? The episode might have a title, but it goes in all these different ways.
35:07
But, you know, besides friends and but I've I've seen um I've joined the I mean
35:13
this um Democrats abroad things and that's a way to meet people and there's different ways um there's other these
35:20
kind of different groups. I'm sure there's probably there might even be an Italians Americans living in Valencia group. You never know, right? Um but you
35:28
know there's language exchanges which is another thing. People meet at bars and our bars will host these language
35:34
exchanges which is a great something that we wanted to do but I think that was hard that was really really a lot harder for us to do living outside of
35:40
the city but I think if you're in the city you could just pop down to a cafe you could I mean like you said the the cafes will host them but you can make
35:47
your own just go on to go on to any group and just ask somebody or ask a friend of a friend or ask a parent you
35:53
know ask a neighbor like would you mind learning English and we can learn English and Spanish together and it it
35:59
it everyone's open for that because everybody if anyone doesn't speak English well, they're going to want to learn it better and they'll want to
36:05
learn Spanish. And I need to do that, too. I got to find one that's at like at a lunchtime because I I do need to learn and speak more and get more comfortable.
36:12
And um but didn't you join like a paddle group as well? Oh my gosh, yes, my paddle group. Oh my god. I don't know
36:18
how this got started, but the people that run it are amazing. And they've just built this like massive expat
36:26
paddle um little tournament thing. So, it's when I first started doing it, it
36:31
was like we just went to like the tournament and it is it friend it's friendly all levels. So, I went in and
36:37
I've played racket sports my whole life, but I'd never played paddle, but it is by far the most fun um sport and of all
36:45
the racket sports in my opinion. So they set up this thing where they would they they rent out one of the indoor paddle
36:52
places. Um and then they just create like they put everybody together sort of
36:57
in their groups and they create like groups and everyone plays each other and whoever wins, you know, whatever. So
37:02
it's like this very friendly. Side note, she dragged me to one last year and what
37:07
was really funny is she was like, "Oh, you know, come to this thing, whatever." And then I ended up knowing like, you know, 10 or 15 people there because that
37:15
community is small and everyone's like, "You should join paddle." I'm like, "That's cute. I'm a cheerleader, but thanks." Yeah. Well, you're a good
37:21
cheerleader. So So, and then what what they did with that group, which I think is really cool because we have a
37:27
WhatsApp group, is they then created a whole bunch of different um sub um
37:33
WhatsApp groups for different levels. So people could be like, I want to play like within their level. I want to play on I have But I don't want to play with
37:39
Tanya. I'm a little too good for that. Exactly. But it was a really it was a
37:46
really nice social way of So whatever your thing is like there's going to be probably a group of people doing it.
37:51
There's also I I went a couple of times to a bat gammon group that was all expats and that was really fun. Um and
37:58
and I bet if you're a dog owner, I'm sure you can meet people just walking down the streets and you know those dog
38:04
people, you know, those dog people. Those dog people. Us cat people are just stuck inside. We don't get to meet any
38:10
other cat. Exactly. That's They have a cat cafe. I don't think you could bring your cats though. I think that's just to
38:17
pet the strays or something. But you might find other people that like cats, but they're probably all kids in there.
38:22
Um, we went there. That was really fun. Um, but yeah, so I mean those are some of the things that like I enjoy doing
38:28
and I just found groups of people that are doing that here and then I've met people through those things and and then
38:34
you're doing something that you like, you know, but even even with those are those were kind of ongoing things. But I think even without that, just like I was
38:41
saying, like talk to someone in the supermarket, talk to someone next to you, talk to the people, talk to the
38:46
talk to everybody. Yeah. Because it really you just get and you know, I I
38:51
think for even hopefully if you're an introvert and moving to a foreign country, you've accepted that you can't
38:56
be an introvert and maybe it might be easier not being an introvert where you are literally, you know, you're Yeah.
39:04
you know, out of water, right? And um that How can you be embarrassed when no
39:10
one knows you, right? Instead of it's back. Well, that's true. But also, that's why I was saying like for people that are introverted or feel like they
39:16
are, like I sound like an extrovert probably, but I don't desire to be in a group of of people that I don't know.
39:22
That makes me feel uncomfortable, too. It's not my desire, but I'm willing to suck it up for the purpose of meeting
39:28
friends and things. And I think that's why I'm saying if you do feel that way, just just imagine sucking it up for for
39:33
3 to 6 months, and then you can go back to being an introvert with the friends that you've met. Right. Um, and you guys also took a ceramics class. Probably a
39:41
good place, right? It was. We ended We, you know, we didn't make friends outside of that except I've become friends with
39:47
the ceramics owner. Okay. Well, there you go. I just ran into her in the gym this morning. She's like, "How are you?
39:52
How are the kids?" And we talk like we're we we haven't really been social yet to like hang out hang out, but we
39:57
see each other enough around town where we have these conversations. And you know, like we're we're walking
40:03
around town, the girls and I with the friends we've met or acquaintances, and it's a city thing, too. But we run into
40:11
people pretty much at least once a week. There's not often that we're out on the streets together now because it's a school year,
40:17
but we run into people all the time. And it really is for my daughters, they're like, "That's kind of cool." Like, we
40:23
know people. And like in LA that happened to us all the time because I lived there for 22 years and I was a bartender at a bar, you know, like so I
40:30
knew a lot of people. A lot of people knew me kind of thing, right? Just because of being on a scene kind of thing. But now we're here and they're
40:36
like, "We know people." Like it's just and and it really is a friendly place. It's not a cold city. So we walk by a
40:44
restaurant that we went to once eight months ago and they're still waving to us. Hi, how are you? Oh, and totally
40:50
totally random. We we bumped into a friend at the airport waiting for friends to come out. Nice. So, it's like
40:57
once you have and I mean she was not somebody I hang out with a lot, but she's an acquaintance and it does it actually gives you that feel. It does
41:03
give you a really nice feeling to bump into people you know in random places that you would never bump into somebody,
41:08
right? And you're like, "Oh, I know people." Okay. And you really feel home, right? You feel settled. And it's almost
41:15
like this kind of like it just feels sometimes it feels like a giant high school. Not in the bad way where people are talking about you and like you know
41:20
throwing you in your locker but like this way of like you could be anywhere and you're like I recognize that person
41:26
and it is such a small city that you don't have the anonymity of like a New
41:31
York where you could just walk down and feel like you're never going to get it. And I don't have that experience on a regular basis because of where I live
41:38
and the fact that we have to drive everywhere. So I don't have that. So that was a really unique experience for me to have because I wasn't at school.
41:44
No. A good question. So then how is it at like your grocery store? Does your was does the cashiers recognize you? Do
41:51
they say hi? Do they have conversations with you? Yeah. And I and I do I do like see neighbors and people at the grocery
41:58
store a little bit sometimes and and that's okay. But I'm most of the people that we're friends with other than the
42:04
neighbors that we move down the street. They're our friend friend group do not live right next to us and go to the same
42:11
grocery store. So I might be more likely to bump into them in like the Puth grocery store or something cuz a lot of
42:16
them live over there. Or again, if I was walking around with you in the city or something, I might bump into somebody
42:21
because those are places where people are just doing stuff and walking around and doing their own thing. Whereas in
42:27
our town, you're probably just going to the grocery store in your car and all that. But like even here, like what I was saying is what I was asking is like
42:34
the cashiers at the store all recognize us. So I feel like my daughters are like when they like cuz now they can walk
42:39
home from the bus and they walk they can walk to the bus. I take them most of the times but sometimes I'm like just go. I
42:45
you know it's two blocks. I'm not doing this anymore with you. But they don't feel unsafe. They know the fruit stand
42:50
guy, right? They might not know his name, but they know that's a they not that this is an unsafe city, but they very feel safe because people wave to
42:57
them and they know them. And and if we go to the grocery store, like the cashiers there will make fun of me like,
43:03
"Oh, someone's learned a new Spanish word this week." Go see, you know. Well, speaking of speaking of the grocery
43:09
stores, what's funny about where we live is that it's a very small village. I guess some somewhere between a village
43:15
and a small town, I guess. Small town, whatever. Um, and but when the summer comes, there's like 30,000 more people
43:22
that come into our town, right? And then the stuff starts opening. Like the grocery store will suddenly open on
43:27
Sundays. In fact, Jad got so excited because he's like, "They have those little partitions with between your food
43:33
and the other person's stuff that they're buying, right?" And on that, they'll say when they're going to be
43:39
starting to open on Sundays for the summer. And he's like, "It's next week." And I'm like, "Next week? It's April.
43:45
Like, what's going on?" So, we like all got excited because the the idea that the grocery stores are opening on
43:50
Sundays is like an indication that they're expecting more people to start coming in. Also, what happens in the
43:56
grocery store is they start hiring more people and they start hiring people that speak English, which is funny. So, when
44:02
I try because I get what one of the luxuries of of being in an area where people don't speak English is that you
44:09
have to practice your Spanish all the time. So, that's a good thing. Um, so then now when I go to the grocery store in the summer, there I I say something
44:15
in Spanish and they start talking to me in English and I'm like, "Hey, that's a different experience."
44:21
But yeah, so we're sort of a where we live is a um a very it's a very very
44:27
popular place for people to have summer houses in the past. So there's a lot of people coming in from Madrid and other
44:33
places and other countries obviously that have houses here that they just come for the summer. So it's different experience more of a touristy thing I
44:41
guess. But yeah, so it's um I think like I said, we've met people in all
44:46
different places and I you just have to you just have to talk to people. You just if that if that's a worry about
44:52
before you move here or anywhere in Spain or anywhere in the world, make that should really just be kind of your
44:58
least worry. You have so much more on your plate. It will happen. It will happen. People have been making friends since the beginning of time and um and
45:06
people will reach out and you know, so I would say not to worry about it. very
45:11
friendly place and people are super super friendly here and if you don't have a kids and you don't have a dog
45:16
like you'll meet friends doing whatever it is you like to do and there's tons of things to do here definitely and if you
45:23
and I think if you're you know definitely if you're retired you'll be lunching a lot and you'll meet other retired people lunch and that's where
45:29
you'll meet Gaitano somewhere having lunch in the city I don't go out to lunch that often um but that's when I do
45:35
socialize and then in the summertime or breaks that's when we have parties and you I mean, I will say I mean, I am a
45:42
I'm a pretty outgoing person. I'm also a hermit. So, like I'm outgoing and then I cocoon at the same time, right? But we
45:48
had friends visiting and I don't know if I had mentioned this before, our first year, the first Christmas, we'd only been here a couple months and we had a a
45:56
a Boxing Day cocktail party and my friend and her children came to just
46:01
make sure we were safe, spend Christmas with us. We weren't alone. And then she's like, you weren't even alone. You
46:06
had 40 people 40 people sold at your house for a dinner party or cocktail party. You've only been here 3 months.
46:11
How'd that happen? I'm like, well, we just meet people. You do. I Yeah, it's I
46:17
I think it's actually relatively easy because you're in a place where a lot of people are looking to make new friends, right? That's the other thing. There's a
46:24
lot of people here looking for new friends. Yep. So, I think that's it. Do we have anything else to say to these people? I
46:31
don't think so. I think that's it.
46:36
I can't think of any other things other avenues about friendships, but we really
46:42
like the the comment and keep them coming because it helps guide what we want to we want to talk about what you
46:48
want us to talk about because if we just talk about what we want to talk about, which we've got plenty of that, but that
46:53
may not be very interesting. We want to be we want to be somewhat helpful, right? We It is nice that that was kind
46:59
of the goal was to be a little helpful, but it's our experiences and for better or for worse, right? our experiences. We
47:05
want to be real and helpful and and and get some chuckles. So, we hope you all
47:11
have a good week and you'll hear from us in seven days. There you go. Bye bye.
47:17
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47:37
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